Seventy-One and Still Living Her Best Life

Move over, Hollywood starlets. The real longevity queen is chilling in a Florida tank with a permanent smile. Snooty the manatee just got her crown, officially certified as the oldest sea cow on the planet by Guinness World Records.

Seventy-one years young. She’s seen more trends come and go than your entire TikTok feed. Bell-bottoms? She was there. Disco? Probably did a slow-mo tail wag to it. The internet? Mere child’s play.

While we’re stressing over wrinkles, this legend is just… floating. Eating lettuce. Being majestic. No anti-aging creams, just pure, timeless vibe. She’s a national treasure who predates most national monuments.

Talk about aging gracefully. The rest of us are out here getting botox, and Snooty’s secret is literally just existing peacefully. Goals, honestly.

Who needs a fountain of youth when you have a spring-fed aquarium? The rest of us are simply trying to keep up.

Photo: Netweave / CC BY-SA 3.0